Driving Business Forward
A green haired creature amongst a sea of beige furniture…
She had been coming into the Pottery Barn in Bellevue for a few months. She’s the kind of woman who’d catch your attention. Not necessarily out in the wild, but definitely in Pottery Barn store 372. She had sharply dyed forest green hair, visible tattoos from her neck to calves, and a small septum piercing that she sometimes turned up when she wanted it to be unseen.
Baskets. It started with the Beachcomber Handwoven Tote Baskets. With their rattan material, and vaguely rustic charm. That’s where you’d first see them. Small, square business cards. Dark green, with rounded corners. There was a QR code on one side and the name “Jules” on the other. Nothing else. Seemed innocuous, maybe she was an artist or something like that. Right? Well, just you wait. Things are going to become potentially…objectionable.
After a few months, things started to ramp up. The small green cards started appearing tucked inside the lone drawer of the Peninsula Desk. Discreet, unobstructive, and only apparent to the trained or highly discernible eye.
When a green card was poking out from underneath the cushion of the Wicker Swivel Papasan, things felt like they were accelerating. It’s hard to describe it, but things felt different after the Papasan. The Papasan is a timeless piece. It can work in any space. Classy, yet comfortable. Quirky, with a sense of tradition. There’s nothing like a Papasan.
Meanwhile, Janet, the district manager for the King County Area, is complaining about the “rookie numbers” of the employees of store 372. “What’s influencing these piss poor conversion rates? We need to drive the business forward folks!” She’s a buttoned up corporate type dressed in Liz Claiborne from head to toe. “You’re not making sales because you’re not asking open ended questions.” “Did you remember the orientation sales training videos? We are emphatic in the importance of open-ended questions!” Janet was red in the face from frustration. The employees nodded enthusiastically and promised to do better.
A few months after the Papasan incident, a wave of green hair slowly meandered towards the man inspecting one of the Kravet Upholstered Swivel Stools, in Rose Toile. A beautiful piece. The man’s attention quickly pivoted from the immaculately designed stool, to the green haired woman, who apparently goes by “Jules”. Just moments later, the man and Jules departed the store together, their shoulders gently brushing against each other.
That was the beginning of several encounters like this. From brushed shoulders, to linked arms, and then a gentle hand against the lower back. Soft giggles and whispers with a quickening of their steps. Hidden kisses at the nape of their neck, with bulging eyes and close lipped smiles.
Jules might be in her 30s, but it’s so hard to gauge with women. Especially nowadays. Most of the men she departed with looked to be at least 50.
Finally, after all these months, she had taken things too far. It was the Mocha Boucle Pearce Square Arm Wedge Sectional. Retails at $6747, not including tax. A triumph for the store if it were to get sold. Imagine if he could be convinced to open a Pottery Barn line of credit? A silver haired gentleman was browsing the swatches, and he was earnestly vacillating between the Mocha and Oatmeal Boucle. In a flowy black dress, Jules approached him, and paused before sitting down. With a smile he slid over, making room for her ample frame. They sat next to each other, fingering through the swatches, exchanging giggles and glances. A green card fell out of her purse.
Co-workers exchanged a series of looks. There was a nod, and then another nod. Three in agreement, the call had been made. About 10 minutes later, a man in a dingy grey uniform tottered into the store. He went towards Jules, whispered into her ear. “Let’s not make a scene, it’s time to go Lady,” he commanded. Jules gave a demure smile to the man on the sectional and followed the security guard towards the exit.
Nobody wants to get in the way of someone and their business, but that has to go both ways. Another lecture from Janet is the last thing anybody at store 372 needs.
The green card sat in the deeply discounted Peninsula desk that Jeff, a long standing employee, got a steal on. Considering that it was a returned desk, it was truly outstanding. It tied his dining room together, perfectly so he mused to himself. Jeff pondered it for weeks. Should he do it? He had been lonely. She was also so lovely. Wasn’t something like this illegal? He didn’t know the logistics of such things.
After weeks of contemplation, he decided what he would do with that little green card. He aimed his phone’s camera towards the QR code, and watched the page load on the screen.
“Welcome to Jules’ Lair, Stranger”, his phone read to him. “I truly adore people and I want to connect with you”, he read on. “I can be your unforgettable confidant and cosmic companion”. He clicked “Enter”.